while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
