Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
