please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize