I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
