I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
