Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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