Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
