Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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