I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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