the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sex in a hospital.. check
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
