Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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