ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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