im about as happy as oj after his trial
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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