What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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