i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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