so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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