im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
