I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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