Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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