My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
