Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
