toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
