um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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