I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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