He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
