capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
