she woke up with a sticky ear
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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