Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
