I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
