dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
