the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
