so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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