oh god the rape fog is back!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize