We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
