5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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