yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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