he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
