i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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