I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
