It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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