You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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