can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Floor bacon is actually really good
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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