Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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