Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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