Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
