Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
