he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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