Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
