is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
