I'm sorry my penis didn't work
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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