just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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