apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
