well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
