I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
