not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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