If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
