I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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