He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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