But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
