I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize