you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
