He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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