I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
