i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
