i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
