and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
