i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
