My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
