are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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