He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
