You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
