Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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